The Pocky of Doom!
by DarkOtakuKnights
Summary: What if L and Light didnt even pretend to like eachother? Light starts to fall in love with L? Light shows his true colors, L isnt even sure if Light could be Kira?...Crack
1. Like Wow

_Yello, Ayame here, I of course dont own death note...A little crack I wrote in class, thought I should post this :), Enjoy, I'll update everyday(Unless I dont have a test to study for...Eh who am I kidding I procrastinate all the time)_

Dear Journal-

Light handcuffed me to him, can you saw ew?You'd have to be blind, dying and drunk to want that ugly thing!I wrote Light a poem to show my 'love'

Hey Light,

You make little kids run and cry,

I really hope you die,

P.S. you're too dumb to be Kira.

Well...I have to go, Light is saying something about handcuffing me to him, ugh that fat cow.

...Sometimes I cry at night knowing I have to spend another day with that grotesque thing...


	2. Whoa my god

Dear Diary,

So L said the meanest thing to me ever!Here's how it went down.

Light- "Hey Ryuzaki, would you like to go on a date with me?" I thought he would say yes because a few days ago he said I acted like a school girl? Thats good right? I mean school girls are cute and everything...

L- "Look Light...you make me want to drink very heavily."

Light- "So we can have a rough night together?"

L- (sigh) "Okay you dont seem to get the hint...I sort of hate you." What? Right like how could he hate this smexy beast of a man!

Light- "Ahahaha, nice joke, so I already planed it to be at Penny's fun play time place."

L- "Ah just kidding about that hating you thing..."For some strange reason L got really uncomfortable.

Me- "Really? Ah good! I thought you hated me because I posted naked pictures of you all over the intern-" L ruddly cut me off.

L- "Ah no Im not kidding I really hate you."

Me- "You stupid cow licker!" I stormed away, god L makes me so mad sometimes, but that's why I love him!

Later that day I saw L asking Mastuda about the Penny's fun play time place, and Mastuda pulled out pictures of him all tied up. Gosh Mastuda is so weird! Why would you get tied up in a restaurant FOR EATING!Lucky L got disgusted and walked away from Mastuda but then for some strange reason when L looked at me, he looked more disgusted then he did from the pictures. Maybe it was my perfume? Well bye! Im going to go take more sexy pictures of L!


	3. Wah!

_Ah, you guys should review because im feeling down, and Im not lying to you, it's true, thats why im smiling like Akane after she just said achachachacha...she's very hyper today..._

Dear Journal-

Light makes me very depressed sometimes, like last night, I went on a sugar rampage because of him. One day, I will get him to leave me alone!Today, he insisted we get matching bracelets, oh thats not the worse part, the worse part is...bracelets are engraved! ENGRAVED!His says... "From your lover L" Guess what mine says... "There's a pressure bomb on it so you cant take it off, love you."...Now the part that confuses me is that he's as smart as me, but acts like a crack whore on heroin? Strange? Very. He only acts like that around me though, I think he might have a disorder of some sort...Well, I'll be right back.

Well, Im back, and we just had a break in the Kira case,Apparently some girl named Misa Misa is related to it somehow?She acts like a hyper active kindergartener to, maybe Kira has the power to make people act like idiots? I asked Light this and he said it was the power of love, then he stoped and corrected himself then said it was the power of a stalker's love...One day Light will die, and I will be the cause of it.


	4. No way!

_Whoops, just fixed it, so many typos..._

Dear Diary-

So...Today I asked L to marry me, and guess what? He said yes! Ah Joy! Well, I might have had a knife to his throat, but does that mean anything?So here's how it went .

"L! L! L! L!" I was REALLY hyper, I just had a sip of L's tea!L turned his head and saw me, I think I heard a groan, but I was hyper, so I could have been imagining it, who knows?

"Yes?" L took a hand full of sugar cubes and ate them all.

"Look, I'd really like it if you would be with me forever, so...will you marry me?"L's eyes opened and he started choking on the cubes, he then fell on the floor, I didnt kick him, I swear...Anyways...I then sat down to help him, but a knife fell out of my sleave, and I might have said if he didnt say yes then I'd end him, he nodded and I was so happy that I jumped up and ran around the room screaming yes...So I keep running, but I forgot that L was on the ground, and I _triped_ over him, then kneed him in the stomach, which then caused him to cough harder and that happened to save him.I guess that means Im a hero? Ah! L owes me now! I'll have him be the bride, and wear the dress, I cant wait!

_:) Stay tuned for the next chapter._


	5. Heck No!

_Ah, homework overload! I have four projects due this week! Help!(And yet im writing this) Oh, Im planning on making each chapter 1000 words each? Yes? No? :D Tell me if I should~!Oh plus, should L and Light really get married? o . o Strange thought eh? Okay, enjoy, and about half the things I write have happened in real life...keep that in mind...Yeah...Enjoy~!_

_~Ayame out!~_

Dear Journal-

...Light already planned our wedding, what am I going to do?...It's 10/27/11...Great...I still have time to get out of it, Hopfully I can get him to hate me before that day comes...Well anyways, I found Light doing something no one should know...but that just means I have to tell EVERYONE! Ehm, here's how it went...

So I walk by my room and hear voices comming from inside, so I do what anyone would do and grabbed a bowling pin and a bucket as a hat and went inside...Okay so once I got inside, I looked around and didnt see anyone, so I let it go, but then I heard it comming from the bathroom this time. I slowly opened the door to see Light showering with a rubber duck float around his waist, and a CD player that was looping me saying "Yes!"...Eh! That sick sick cow!...Then guess what he did? He jumped out of the shower and hugged me! I swear if that rubber ducky wasnt there...Now my first recaction was to start hitting him, but I thought he might get a kick out of it, so I just ran...Well he then dragged me out to go somewhere, but he didnt put clothes on so I had to pretend I didnt know him, but do you know how hard it is to pretend you dont know someone when they're saying "Come over here my little duck-princess-lover"...Oh did I mention a mob of parents hate me because of Light, I now cant go a few hundred feet by any school...

So where do you think he took me?Well, I wrote about this before? It's...Penny's fun play time place! Yeah, guess what the greeter said to use before we went in? Well it was something around..."No clothes required..." And then Im pretty sure he winked at us? Once we got inside, it was like a sex offender what? Some guy asked me if I prefer chains or ropes better. I replied that I'd like to strangle him, but of course I should have phrased that better... Today was gross, gross, gross...


	6. Youre so dead!

_:D Ahhhhh Im typing this in math class...o I know not very smart, but you know how you do your work then you get bored...Ah man sorry it's so short, :) But again, im in class...Anyways, enjoy! :D_

Dear Diary-

Guess what? Well…I bought L's wedding dress! It's white and has sparkles and it, it's a two piece. So that means…I can see his stomach! I'll also get him a crown, because he's my little princess…Lame, I know, don't worry Im still a sexy beast. Now unless you stalk me, you wont know about the cutest thing that L did three days ago, okay so we were eating lunch, and he did the best thing ever,(No you perverts, he didn't do me…well Im so the top, but who cares? Not me…)He was eating cake and he spills some tea and it landed on me and he laughed? Can you believe that? HE LAUGHED,! It's crazy! Iv never seen him laugh…well I have but for some reason once he met me he stoped laughing, must have been that he thought he should stop being so wild, so we can have little L babies with me! Oh if…whoops typo, I mean when we have babies(Sorry, my backspace is broken, love you diary!) So when we have babies, Im thinking one of each…So four all together….A boy, a girl, a tranny, and a heshe! L keeps telling me that there are only two genders but he's wrong, I know he's never wrong!Well, bye, I love you diary!


	7. What if

_Ah Ayame here! Sorry for the late update...I wrote it in class but couldnt post it because I had three projects due today, and had four tests this week...Talk about overloading... xD I really have no idea how it turned into something other then major crack, sorry!_

Dear Journal-

We had our wedding to day...Guess how it went?Well...here you go if you couldn't imagine it...

So I was standing there staring at Light in his god-awful dress, yeah it was so tight you could see his fat rolls, sick...Anyways it turned out only Misa showed up...Luckily that thing seemed to be Light's only friend, she was crying of course. The priest looked up and started to speak about some thing I didnt want to hear about.

"I now prononce you man...and...m-man?" The priest looked at Light, who was in a white dress with a Vail on.

"Yep!" Luckily 'I dodged' his kiss before he grabbed me and dragged me out of the church...No Im not lying he really dragged me, when he was going to kiss me I tripped and landed on my face...Trust me I think my nose broke after he dragged me down those stairs...Well it turns out Light isnt as bad as I thought, after the so called wedding, he took me to the hours of rambaling about kids, he finally said something that I don't mind. He said.

"You know Lawliet Im not worthy of your time...Why do you still hang around me? You could have moved or had me arrested ages ago."Well well well...Why hadn't I moved?Oh thats right, it's because Light is a crazy son of a basket case...

"So where do we go from here?" Light stared at the sky before looking at me.

"Where ever we feel like it" Light chuckled then started talking about how he once found me sleeping on the couch, but I started to drifted off in thought, what will we do from here? And when can I get a divorce!I heard Misa and Mikami laugh behind us, Light and I turned around as fast as we could.

"Yes?" I tried to raise my voice and started to speak.

"Ahahaha...It's just that...youre like a married couple...Im not laughing at you..but...Ahahahaha!" Misa turned away with her eyes watering Mikami busted out laughing.

"Ah...Well L it was fun!" Mikami took a needle out of his pocket, and before I could react, he stabbed me in the neck. I saw Light smiling before I blacked out.


	8. So what?

_:D Yello! Ayame here, pst, comment to help me think of something to happen next..._

Dear Diary-

Hmm...yesterday was strange, it started with me wanting to have L's babies, and ended with him getting stabed with a needle, sounds kinky, doesnt it? And now,Im sitting on L about to kiss him. So this is how it started...

Misa was talking about how she was going to keep the video of me getting married and put her face over L's, or some creepy thing. She then tried to steal L away buy lighting him on fire, I pushed her down a flight of stairs, she then got up and said she was okay, I then walked down to her, called her a fat cow, and pushed her down another flight of stairs. She never learns, shame shame shame.I swear, sometimes, I dont think that woman has a brain. Then after all that L woke up, gosh let me tell you, L is such a hard sleeper...

"Light...I was just about to start liking you, and you kidnap me?Who just does that?You know...Im really starting to hope this is a dream..."

"No dreams or happiness here!"

"Um...Will you let me go already?"

"Oh L, you shouldnt say things that will never happen, dont give yourself false hope!"

"Light...you seem so smart, and then I got to know you..."Misa slowly snuck out the door.

"Well well, seems like it's just you and me..."I slowly moved over L, and now sitting on his hip.

"Light...look, you might be crazy, but I dont think youre crazy enough to rape someone..."

"Really? Do you want to hear something?"

"Go ahead...It seems you have the upperhand here" L was trying to sink down into the bed, to avoid me.

"L, the reason I became Kira, was to meet you!"I couldnt help but laugh at what L looked like when I said that, it was a mix of horror and shock?


	9. And?

_:) Sorry it's REALLY short and baddly writen...wrote in class...dont mind me..._

* * *

><p>Dear Journal-<p>

Light just said he was Kira... I really just hope I die tomorrow. Can you believe this? Is it just me or does this seem like a really messed up fanfiction written by a crazy fangirl. Well, continuing with the story, here you go, this is what happened after that thing told me he was Kira.

"You kidnapped me to tell me you like killing?" Light sighed.

"No, I was really hoping to rape you." Light sighed again.

"What? Go rape Misa!"

"No! She'd like it!"

"Then get a job!"

"I have one! I made three million selling pictures of you!" When he said that, I felt like stabbing him in the face.

"I'm L... I capture killers all over the world, and there you go spreading my face all over the world."He quickly replied with...

"No no no, I kept the sexy picture to myself, dont worry!" I sighed.

"Light...you keep giving me reasons to worry about!"


End file.
